Discipline - Loving Guidance 

  By Hedda Sharapan

When I was presenting our workshop “Helping Children Learn Discipline” last summer at the National Family Child Care Conference, someone asked, “What if we’re dealing with toddlers?”  I had to stop and think.  Most of our focus in this workshop is on preschoolers, and our stories and videos are about three and four year olds.  Then I remembered a great moment I saw between a toddler and a parent – and knew I had a story to tell.  Anyone who’s been to my presentations knows that I love stories! 

Here’s what I saw: The 14-month-old toddler was sitting in her highchair. Her father saw her sweep her hands wildly, throwing the bits of food off the highchair tray.  Maybe it was her only way to communicate “I’m finished – and I want down now.” 

Trying to discipline her, her father called across the table in a loud voice, “Stop it. Calm down!“ That made her wilder!  I held my breath, wondering what’s next.  Then I saw him get up out of his chair, walk right over to her and bend down face to face.  Lovingly, he cupped his hands around her face and firmly, but in a calm and quiet voice, slowly said, “Calm…down…..Calm….down.”  And she did.  What’s in that communication that helped her?

• He stayed calm.
• He communicated that he was serious.
• He was strengthening their relationship. 

A Video from Child Care

Here’s a video from our "Helping Children Learn Discipline” workshop that shows a teacher working in much the same way with an older child, a preschooler who has trouble at transition times.  Without help, he often ends up in conflicts.  Watch how the teacher helps him learn how to clean up after lunch before playing. Watch for all the ways she is helping him learn self-discipline.

Watch video without commentary  | Watch video with commentary

The video is also a great example of “lending a child our adult controls.”  Did you sense how calm and focused she stayed?   

I’d love to hear from you about what you do to help yourself stay calm, so that the children can borrow your controls. e-mail me at sharapan@fci.org. 

Hedda Sharapan,
M.S. Child Development
Director of Early Childhood Initiatives   

P.S.  Thanks for your responses to last month's online survey.  If you haven’t had a chance to take the survey, it’s still online and can still be of help to us. 

Timeless Wisdom
From Fred Rogers

"Often our quiet availability is just what children need, far more than they need our coaxes or cajolings or threats or punishments.  Our reassuring presence may be enough to help them find inner resources of their own, and when they do, we and the children can both feel proud."

Activity Idea

Loud and Quiet

Here’s a way to give children some musical fun – and help them practice self-discipline. 

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